Grateful

Whew hew! And just like "that" (add gay snap of the fingers here) E is back to her silly, dedicated self - after being bummed all day about losing all that video footage - I ate dinner after work, took an hour walk and settled down to try once again - and after almost 2 hours...I found (!!!) the video camera files (angelic soprano voice "ahhh" - that I emit on occasion insert here) he hehe.Jesus loves me and helped me find those things which I plan on editing and u-tubing if possible - and yes, I even am going to do one of my engagement announcement video made at Easter because if you all saw how happy and supportive my family was and the nice words my mom said about Ciara being another granddaughter you'd see what great blood I come from and know that, for my part, my love for Patrick was always real and not shared with exes or distractions or fear. I did cry, watching it just now because I had never seen it before and it made me miss my 'Cono' tremendously momentarily, but you know what? They were tears of joy - - even though he didn't follow through - because regardless of him focusing on the negative, I have always focused on his positives and when he embraced me as I cried into his shoulder, I know there were real moments of happiness with him that I, at least, felt.

I really thought after years of not wanting marriage, nor thinking I deserved it, and saying no to 2 proposals by men who barely knew me, I can say that I truly thought P was my man and I was 'his girl' as he used to say when he was tipsy and out drinking with the boys.Well, it's almost 1:30am y'all, I need to get some beauty sleep for my Nordstrom's job tomorrow.

Good night and God Bless!

"A First Dance"

With your desires tangled in my dark hair,
you are lost in the strangeness and newness of my form.
Bronzed hands grasping mine, the Courtship begins
with a First Dance.

Tell me your name again.
I like forgetting the shape of it in my mouth
and then remembering.
Small talk safely transcends shy humour.
Ah! The music!

An unbuttoned shirt revealing a slice of strength.
Perhaps access to your soul?
From the corners of their eyes
angels and devils watch the possibilities rise in our steps.

Embracing, your breath soft and warm;
bodies turning and touching.
Your eyes reveal the path to the wild winery
where we intoxicate by one anothers glances.

Under a blanket of darkness
our souls are bare.
Truth is as simple
as a bed and its covers.
Shall we be Lovers? Or Friends?

But the dance ends
and I walk away
without a word:
leaving a sideword glance
to interpret as you wish...